Social Comparison Theory Presentation

Description

Teaching an interpersonal communication concept: this may be the most time-consuming video project you have for this semester. You will be reading one particular chapter ahead of everyone else, and record a five minutes video to teach us about it. Your audience is your Good Company group. They are your peers for almost all projects in this semester.You are an “interpersonal communication theory geek” who knows a particular concept better than the rest of us. You speak with researched knowledge and clarity. Your video is a conversation starter for part of the DQ on a specific week. Your performance should be informative yet interesting. Part of your focus is to be curious about the perspectives of the audience, which means you will prompt questions for the group to continue the conversation.On average, your teaching is 5 minutes. (Note to group 8: I believe one chapter will be taught by two of you since you have one more member than other groups. If it happens to be you, please discuss with one another to avoid teaching the same concepts. Your group is lucky to have two videos to choose from on that week.)What to expect:Focus on Theories & ConceptsIt’s important to focus on a single concept or a set of concepts that are related to each other. After watching your speech, your group may find it helpful to prepare for the Theory ABCD Submissions. Be an expert Consider yourself an expert on the concept(s). Your job is to explain it to the audience in a language that we all understand (because concepts can be dry at times). Be very specific, give examples. Outside research is welcomed.Be Engaging You are making a video but ultimately you are prompting a deep conversation within the group. Don’t just “give” information, always find the most engaging way to teach and to share. Be creativeThere is no one set way to do this. Just be creative!All I need is a powerpoint that summarizes one concept from “Chapter 7: Meeting Social Expectations”, and summarization of that concept.

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Interpersonal
Communication
Interpersonal
Communication
SEVENTH EDITION
Sarah Trenholm
Arthur Jensen
Ithaca College
Syracuse University
O X F O R D | N E W YO R K
OXFO RD UNIVER SIT Y PRESS
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pricing and alternate formats.
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All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means,
electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise,
without the prior permission of Oxford University Press.
ISBN 978-0-19-9827503
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Trenholm, Sarah, 1944Interpersonal communication/Sarah Trenholm, Arthur Jensen.— 7th ed.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-0-19-982750-3 (main text:alk. paper—ISBN 978-0-19-982751-0
(instructor’s manual/test bank:alk. paper)—ISBN 978-0-19-982752-7
(instructor’s resource cd—ISBN 978-0-19-982753-4 (instructor’s edition:alk.
paper)—ISBN 978-0-19-982754-1 (companion website)—
ISBN 978-0-19-982755-8 (student success manual:alk. paper)
1. Interpersonal communication. I. Jensen, Arthur, 1954– II. Title.
BF637.C45T72 2013
153.6—dc23
2011027983
Printing number: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Printed in the United States of America
on acid-free paper.
Contents in Brief
Feature Boxes
xxiv
Preface
xxvi
PART 1
Introductory Perspectives
1 Communication and Competence 3
2 Building Interpersonal Relationships 23
PART 2
Sending and Receiving Messages
3 Nonverbal Communication 45
4 Language and Interpersonal Communication 79
5 Listening 107
PART 3
Interpersonal Processes
6 Perceiving and Interpreting Social Worlds 131
7 Meeting Social Expectations 159
8 Establishing Individual Identities 177
9 Achieving Personal and Relational Goals 201
PART 4
Relational Contexts
10 Understanding Family Relationships 229
11 Creating Intimate Relationships 259
12 Managing Professional Relationships 295
13 Interpersonal Communication, Culture, and Change 325
Glossary
350
References
365
Illustration Credits
Indices
389
390
vv
This page intentionally left blank
Contents
Feature Boxes
Preface
xxvi
PART 1
1
xxiv
Introductory Perspectives
Communication and Competence
What Is Communication?
3
4
Definitions of Human Communication
Characteristics of Communication
Communication Is a Process
4
5
5
Communication Is Uniquely Human
6
Communication Is a Collective Activity
6
Communication Is a Creative Endeavor
6
Communication Is Regulatory
Summary and Implications
7
8
A Model of Communication Competence
9
Process Competence: Knowledge about Communication
Message Competence
11
Interpretive Competence
Role Competence
12
Self Competence
12
Goal Competence
Culture and Context
11
13
14
Historical Change and Cultural Values
15
How Technology Affects Cultural Context
Relational Cultures as Context
16
18
Performative Competence: Acting on Knowledge
18
Skill Building: On Taking a Process Perspective
Process to Performance
18
19
Questioning Communication Revisited
Review Terms
9
19
20
Suggested Readings
20
Online Student Resources
20
vviiii
vviii
iii
Contents
Observation Guide
Exercises
20
21
interdisciplinary connections 1.1 Bonzo Goes to College 7
interdisciplinary connections 1.2 Insulting the Meat 15
research in review 1.1 Getting the Most Out of College 19
screening room 1.1 Meet the Parents 13
2
Building Interpersonal Relationships
23
What Is Interpersonal Communication?
24
The Situational Approach to Interpersonal Communication?
24
The Developmental Approach to Interpersonal Communication?
The Role of Interpersonal Communication in Relationships
What Is a Relationship?
27
The Characteristics of Relationships
29
Relational Paths: Intimacy and Distance
Private vs. Public Relationships
Independence vs. Conformity
34
34
36
What Does It Take to Be Relationally Competent?
Communication Competence and Relationships
Some Characteristics of Healthy Relationships
Skill Building: A Preview
Process to Performance
39
41
41
41
Suggested Readings
42
Online Student Resources
Observation Guide
Exercises
38
40
Questioning Communication Revisited
Review Terms
38
42
42
42
interdisciplinary connections 2.1 The Neuroscience of Love 28
interdisciplinary connections 2.2 Mind Your Manners 37
research in review 2.1 Stress and Interpersonal Communication 34
screening room 2.1 Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 31
PART 2
3
Sending and Receiving Messages
Nonverbal Communication
45
26
27
Contents
What Is Nonverbal Communication?
Spontaneous Communication
Symbolic Communication
48
48
The Power of Nonverbal Codes
49
The Functions of Nonverbal Codes
Expressing Meaning
51
Regulating the Flow of Interaction
51
The Structure of Nonverbal Codes
The Visual Communication System
52
52
52
53
environmental preferences
territoriality 53
personal space 55
Kinesics
50
50
Modifying Verbal Messages
Proxemics
47
55
body movements 56
types of gestures 56
Gaze
57
the expressive function of gaze 57
using gaze to regulate and monitor interaction
looking vs. seeing 58
Facial Expression
59
universal expressions 59
misreading facial expressions
Artifacts
61
61
physical appearance 62
clothing and adornment
63
The Auditory Communication System
Vocal Characteristics
Messages in the Voice
64
64
The Invisible Communication System
Chronemics
Olfactics
Haptics
63
65
65
65
66
types of touch 66
the contexts and functions of touch
Culture and Nonverbal Communication
Balancing Nonverbal Codes
67
Expectancy Violations Theory
69
67
66
58
ix
ix
xx
Contents
Cognitive Valence Theory
69
Compensating and Reciprocating in Everyday Life
71
The Interplay of Verbal and Nonverbal Communication
Skill Building: Communicating Feelings
Expressing Feelings
74
Process to Performance
74
Questioning Communication Revisited
74
75
Suggested Readings
76
Online Student Resources
Observation Guide
Exercises
72
72
Reflecting Feelings
Review Terms
71
76
76
76
interdisciplinary connection 3.1: A Better Place to Live 54
interdisciplinary connection 3.2: The “Guarded Self” 68
research in review 3.1: Pinocchio’s Nose 57
screening room 3.1: Freaky Friday 64
4
Language and Interpersonal Communication
What Is Language?
79
80
How Verbal and Nonverbal Codes Differ
Characteristics of Verbal Codes
The Functions of Language
The Structure of Language
80
82
82
84
Semantic Meaning: Language at the Level of the Word
Denotative and Connotative Meanings
84
86
The Importance of Semantic Competence
86
Syntactic Meaning: Language at the Level of the Utterance
Order as Meaning
87
The Importance of Syntactic Competence
87
Pragmatic Meaning: Language at the Level of the Speech Act
Language in Use
87
88
Interpreting and Producing Speech Acts
Using Pragmatic Rules in Interaction
88
90
Message Production: Achieving Pragmatic Goals
Language, Power, and Politics
The Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis
93
92
91
87
Contents
Language and Labels
93
Identity and Language Use
94
Social Class and Discourse
94
Gender and Discourse
95
early findings 95
later criticisms 96
Language, Domination, and Freedom
Avoiding Sexist Language
97
98
Skill Building: Initiating Conversation
Starting to Talk
100
Finding a Topic
102
Asking Questions
100
102
Using Free Information During Conversation
Closing Conversations
103
Process to Performance
103
Questioning Communication Revisited
Review Terms
103
103
Suggested Readings
104
Online Student Resources
Observation Guide
Exercises
102
104
104
105
interdisciplinary connection 4.1: Speaking with Names 90
interdisciplinary connection 4.2: From Raillery to Rant 101
research review 4.1: Please and Thank You, Two Magic Words That Open Any Door 84
screening room 4.1: The King’s Speech 85

5
Listening
107
What Is Listening?
108
Listening vs. Hearing
109
The Listening Process
109
Beyond Accuracy: Listening Relationally
110
Listening and the New Technologies
111
Ways of Listening
113
Types of Listening
Listening Styles
113
115
What Should We Listen For?
116
Conflict Management and Effective Listening
When Are Conflicts Healthy?
117
116
xi
xi
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Contents
Why Are Conflicts Difficult to Manage?
Hot Emotions
117
117
Biased Perceptions
118
Communication Obstacles
121
Personal Differences in Conflict Management
Attitudes about Human Nature
Emotional Intelligence
123
123
124
Skill Building: Becoming a More Competent Listener
Improving Comprehension and Evaluation
Enhancing Empathic Listening
Process to Performance
126
126
127
Suggested Readings
127
Online Student Resources
Observation Guide
Exercises
125
125
Questioning Communication Revisited
Review Terms
125
127
127
127
interdisciplinary connections 5.1: Do Crows Really Use SUVs to Crack Nuts?
114
interdisciplinary connections 5.2: Hot Under the Collar or Cool Under Fire 119
research in review 5.1: When Parents and Children Don’t See Eye to Eye 121
screening room 5.1: About a Boy 111
PART 3
6
Interpersonal Processes
Perceiving and Interpreting Social Worlds
131
Factors That Affect the Way We See the World
Emotions and Perception
Motivation and Perception
132
132
133
Cognitive Structures and Perception
136
Schematic Thinking and Information Processing
Schemata That Describe and Classify People
Personal Constructs
Person Prototypes
Stereotypes
137
138
138
138
138
Schemata That Define Roles and Relationships
138
Schemata Containing Information about the Self
139
Schemata That Tell Us What to Do in Social Situations
140
Contents
Social Cognition and Interpersonal Interaction
Sizing Up Situations
140
Episode Identification
141
Using Scripts to Guide Interaction
142
The Invisibility of Situational Constraints
Perceiving Other People
143
143
Using Personal Constructs to Judge Others
144
Implicit Personality Theories and Interaction
Evaluating Relationships
Self-Monitoring
140
144
145
145
Creating Relational Definitions
145
Explaining Behavior by Making Attributions
Personality vs. Situation
Attributional Biases
146
147
148
the anchoring effect 148
overestimating personality 148
underestimating the situation 149
seeing things from our own perspective
149
Categorical Thinking and Interpretive Competence
Naïve Realism: Seeing What We Believe
149
Dual Processing and Impression Formation
Attention and Identification
Controlled Categorization
Personalization
151
152
Mindfulness and Open-Mindedness
Increasing Mindfulness
152
152
153
Process to Performance
154
Questioning Communication Revisited
154
154
Suggested Readings
155
Online Student Resources
Observation Guide
Exercises
151
151
Skill Building: Becoming More Mindful
Review Terms
149
155
155
155
interdisciplinary connection 6.1: The Power of the Present 134
interdisciplinary connection 6.2: Using Reflections and Interpretations 150
research in review 6.1: When Being Mindful Really Matters 137
screening room 6.1: Memento 135
xiii
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xiv
Contents
7
Meeting Social Expectations
Creating Social Identities
160
Social Control and Conformity
The Nature of Social Roles
Choosing Our Roles
159
160
160
163
Social Support and Role Identity
The Looking-Glass Self
164
164
Social Comparison Processes
164
Commitment and Role Identity
Rewards and Role Identity
164
165
How Social Roles Affect Communication
Communication as Performance
Face-Work and the Social Self
165
165
165
Other Aspects of Everyday Performance
sets, costumes, and props
backstage behavior 167
ensemble acting 168
Communication as Storytelling
166
166
169
Skill-Building: Showing Politeness and Respect
Interpersonal Sensitivity
172
Avoiding Threats to Face
172
Balancing Solidarity and Independence
Process to Performance
173
173
Suggested Readings
174
Online Student Resources
Observation Guide
Exercises
173
173
Questioning Communication Revisited
Review Terms
171
174
174
174
interdisciplinary connection 7.1: They Just Like to Be Not the Same as Us 163
interdisciplinary connection 7.2: Talking Tough in Teamsterville 167
research in review 7.1: “Guys Can’t Say That to Guys” 161
screening room 7.1: Big Fish 169
8
Establishing Individual Identities
The Self in History
177
178
Self Concepts: Gaining Independence from Social Roles and Rules
What Is the Self-Concept?
180
180
Contents
Self as Narrative
182
Self as Cognitive Schema
Self as Behavior
183
184
Self as Relational Achievement
Self as Internal Dialogue
185
186
Personality Differences and Interpersonal Communication
Communicator Styles
188
Rhetorical Sensitivity
189
The Noble Self
187
189
The Rhetorical Reflector
190
The Rhetorical Sensitive
190
Communication Apprehension
Attachment Styles
190
191
Intimacy Motivation
191
Skill-Building: Improving Competence through Self-Disclosure
What Is Self Disclosure?
192
General Rules for Revealing the Self
193
A Case Study in Disclosure: Coming Out
How to Reveal Same-Sex Orientation
195
What to Say When a Friend Comes Out
Process to Performance
198
198
Suggested Readings
198
Online Student Resources
Observation Guide
Exercises
197
198
Questioning Communication Revisited
Review Terms
194
199
199
199
interdisciplinary connection 8.1: The Saturated Self 181
interdisciplinary connection 8.2: Zen and the Art of Selflessness 188
research review 8.1: Presentation of Self in Cyberspace 184
screening room 8.1: Big Eden 195
9
Achieving Personal and Relational Goals
What Is Interpersonal Influence?
Types of Influence
202
Culture and Influence
Issues in Influence
203
204
202
201
192
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Contents
Skills for Goal Achievement
204
Face and Interpersonal Influence
Symbolic Role-Taking
205
205
Theories of Influence: Understanding Others’ Needs
The Need for Rewards
206
Classical Conditioning
Operant Conditioning
Social Learning
206
209
210
Social Exchange Processes
210
The Need for Consistency
210
Cognitive Dissonance Theory
211
Ways to Reduce Dissonance
211
Commitment and Consistency
211
The Need to Establish Identity
212
Value Theory
212
Relationships and Self-Validation
214
Summary: Choice and Motivation
Source Characteristics
214
215
Power and Interpersonal Influence
Self-Presentation Strategies
Influence as Self-Persuasion
Message Strategies
216
216
218
220
Compliance-Seeking Strategies
Strategies in Interaction
220
222
Skill Building: Steps to Goal Achievement
Principles of Goal Competence
223
Becoming Appropriately Assertive
Process to Performance
223
225
Questioning Communication Revisited
Review Terms
225
225
Suggested Readings
226
Online Student Resources
Observation Guide
Exercises
223
226
226
226
interdisciplinary connection 9.1: Weapons of Influence 208
interdisciplinary connection 9.2: What’s in a Name?
219
research in review 9.1: Wait ’Til You Hear What I Heard 215
screening room 9.1: Thank You for Smoking 217
205
Contents
PART 4
Relational Contexts
10 Understanding Family Relationships
Maintaining Family Ties
230
The Family as a System
231
Family Structures
231
Power-Authority Structure
232
Decision-Making Structure
232
Interaction Structure
233
Characteristics of Family Structures
role differentiation 235
boundaries 235
coordination of subsystems
The Functions of the Family
Internal Functions
235
236
237
237
providing care 237
socialization 238
intellectual development
recreation 238
emotional support 238
External Functions
238
239
239
cultural transmission
accommodation 240
Families and Change
240
The Dynamics of Family Evolution
The Family Life Cycle
240
240
Stressful Contact with Outside Sources
Illness or Death of a Family Member
242
242
Divorce or Separation of Family Members
Strategies for Coping with Change
Anticipating Change
243
243
Encouraging Family Cohesiveness
Maintaining Adaptability
245
Building Social Networks
245
Family Communication Patterns
Family Rules and Family Identity
Establishing Communication Rules
regulative rules 245
constitutive rules 246
Family Themes and Identity
247
245
245
245
245
243
229
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Contents
Interaction in Family Subsystems
Husbands and Wives
248
Parents and Children
249
Siblings
248
251
Families in History
252
Skill Building: Communicating to Comfort
Process to Performance
255
Questioning Communication Revisited
Review Terms
255
256
Suggested Readings
256
Online Student Resources
Observation Guide
Exercises
253
256
256
257
interdisciplinary connection 10.1: Creating Hallmark Moments 239
interdisciplinary connection 10.2: Divorce Is When Your Family Is Dead 244
research in review 10.1: “You’re My Parent but You’re Not” 237
screening room 10.1: The Kids Are All Right 241
11 Creating Intimate Relationships
What Is Intimacy?
259
260
Have People Always Had Intimate Relationships?
Moving from Public to Private Relationships
260
Factors That Influence Definitions of Intimacy
Family Messages
260
262
262
Recent Cultural Messages
263
Environmental Conditions
263
Individual Relational Messages and Intimacy
sending dominance messages 265
dimensions of intimacy 266
relational contracts and cultures
264
267
Opening the Door to Intimacy: Interpersonal Attraction
Duck’s Filtering Theory of Attraction
Interpersonal Magnets
Physical Beauty
Similarity
268
268
268
Reciprocal Liking
269
Complementary Needs
Costs and Rewards
269
270
Other Sources of Attraction
270
267
267
Contents
Coming Closer: Creating Intimate Relationships
Stages in the Development of Romantic Coupling
Initiating
271
271
Experimenting
Intensifying
Integrating
Bonding
270
271
272
273
274
The Development of Friendship
Rawlins’s Friendship Stages
Types of Friendships
274
274
276
Keeping It Together: Relational Maintenance
Balancing Relational Dialectics
276
The Expressive-Protective Dialectic
278
The Autonomy-Togetherness Dialectic
The Novelty-Predictability Dialectic
The Gender Role Dialectic
276
278
278
279
Working Out Dialectic Tensions
280
Perceptual Biases During Maintenance
Relational Maintenance Behaviors
280
281
Too Close for Comfort: When Relationships Self-Destruct
Stages in Relational Deterioration
Differentiating
283
Circumscribing
284
Stagnating
Avoiding
283
284
284
Terminating
285
Dysfunctional Relational Patterns
Why Patterns Are Important
285
285
Unhealthy Patterns of Communication
problems of punctuation 285
disconfirming responses 286
paradoxes and double binds 286
spirals and urps 287
Signs of Trouble to Come
Successful Couples
Unstable Couples
288
288
289
Gottman’s Four Horsemen
criticism 289
contempt 290
defensiveness 290
stonewalling 290
289
285
282
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xx
xx
Contents
Skill Building: Offering Effective Feedback
Process to Performance
291
Questioning Communication Revisited
Review Terms
291
292
Suggested Readings
292
Online Student Resources
Observation Guide
Exercises
291
293
293
293
interdisciplinary connection 11.1: Playing the Dating Game 272
interdisciplinary connection 11.2: Seeing Our Partners Through Rose-Colored Glasses 282
research in review 11.1: This Is Your Brain on Love 261
screening room 11.1: The Social Network 277
12 Managing Professional Relationships
295
Interpersonal Communication in Public Situations
Public Realms in History
296
296
Interacting in the Public Realm Today
Enacting Roles and Scripts
297
298
Showing and Deserving Respect
298
avoidance rituals 298
presentational rituals 299
demeanor 299
Giving Priority to Practical Goals
299
Making Room for Expressive Behavior
300
Communicating in Our Communities
300
Space and Place: Community Design and Communication
Third Places: Connecting with Your Community
Interacting in the Workplace
301
Sizing Up Organizational Cultures
Learning the Ropes
302
304
Attending to Organizational Stories and Rituals
narratives and stories 305
rituals and practices 305
Participating in Communication Networks
Joining the Team
Leading the Team
301
306
307
Building Teamwork Skills
308
establishing norms 308
developing cohesion 309
306
304
300
Contents
Coping with Supervision and Status
309
Status Differences in Communication
309
Effective Supervisory Communication
310
Serving the Customer
310
One-to-One Marketing
311
Internal Customer Relations
312
Balancing Personal and Professional Relationships
Framing Friendship in the Workplace
Managing the Office Romance
312
312
313
Deciphering the Boundaries between Home, Work, and Community
Skill Building: Approaches to Workplace Conflict
Choosing Your Conflict Style
316
Taking a Problem-Solving Approach to Negotiation
Compromise vs. Problem Solving
Problem-Solving Strategies
318
319
321
Questioning Communication Revisited
Review Terms
321
321
Suggested Readings
322
Online Student Resources
Observation Guide
Exercises
317
317
Rules for Cooperative Problem Solving
Process to Performance
314
322
322
322
interdisciplinary connection 12.1: The Conversational Organization 303
interdisciplinary connection 12.2: “Sorry, I’m Not Apologizing” 315
research review 12.1: Lessons from The Apprentice 307
screening room 12.1: Barbershop 302
screening room 12.2: Office Space 311
13 Interpersonal Communication, Culture, and Change
Cultural Influences
326
Dimensions of Difference
326
Locus of Control: Control vs. Constraint
Action Orientation: Doing vs. Being
327
329
Attitudes Toward Time: M-Time vs. P-Time
329
Connections to Others: Individualism vs. Collectivism
330
Communication Styles: Low-Context vs. High-Context
330
American Cultural Patterns
331
325
314
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Contents
Ethnic, Regional, and Class Differences
Shifting Cultural Identities
332
332
Ethnicity and Language Choices
Regional and Class Differences
332
334
Communicating Across Culture
336
Barriers to Intercultural Understanding
Prejudice
336
336
Communicating Prejudice
Ethnocentrism
339
340
Assumed Similarity
340
Historical Influences
340
The Colonial Period (1600–1780)
The Colonial Household
Codes of Conduct
340
342
342
Social Identity and Patriarchy
342
Gender Roles and Social Identity
343
The Early Industrial Period (1830–1880)
Social Change and Anxiety
The 19th-Century Home
Rudeness and Civility
343
343
343
344
Gender Roles and Personal Identity
The Modern Period (1900–1960)
344
344
Mass Consumption and the American Dream
Home and Family Values
345
Personality and Self-Expression
Sex and Self-Discovery
344
345
346
Skill Building: Increasing Sensitivity to Context
Adapting to International Differences
346
Increasing Cocultural Understanding
347
Process to Performance
348
Questioning Communication Revisited
Review Terms
348
348
Suggested Readings
349
Online Student Resources
Observation Guide
Exercises
346
349
349
349
interdisciplinary connection 13.1: The Thrill of Victory 327
interdisciplinary connection 13.2: If You Can’t Stand the Shame, Don’t Play the Game 335
Contents
research in review 13.1: When Nobody Knows Who You Really Are 341
screening room 13.1: Crash 337
Glossary
350
References
365
Illustration Credits
Indices
390
389
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Feature Boxes
interdisciplinary connections
Bonzo Goes to College (Chapter 1) 7
Insulting the Meat (Chapter 1) 15
The Neuroscience of Love (Chapter 2) 28
Mind Your Manners (Chapter 2) 37
A Better Place to Live (Chapter 3) 54
The “Guarded Self” (Chapter 3) 68
Speaking with Names (Chapter 4) 90
From Raillery to Rant (Chapter 4) 101
Do Crows Really Use SUVs to Crack Nuts? (Chapter 5) 114
Hot Under the Collar or Cool Under Fire (Chapter 5) 119
The Power of the Present (Chapter 6) 134
Using Reflections and Interpretations (Chapter 6) 150
They Just Like to Be Not the Same as Us (Chapter 7) 163
Talking Tough in Teamsterville (Chapter 7) 167
The Saturated Self (Chapter 8) 181
Zen and the Art of Selflessness (Chapter 8) 188
Weapons of Influence (Chapter 9) 208
What’s in a Name? (Chapter 9) 219
Creating Hallmark Moments (Chapter 10) 239
Divorce Is When Your Family Is Dead (Chapter 10) 244
Playing the Dating Game (Chapter 11) 272
Seeing Our Partners Through Rose-Colored Classes (Chapter 11) 282
The Conversational Organization (Chapter 12) 303
“Sorry, I’m Not Apologizing” (Chapter 12) 315
The Thrill of Victory (Chapter 13) 327
If You Can’t Stand the Shame, Don’t Play the Game (Chapter 13) 335
research in review
Getting the Most Out of College (Chapter 1) 19
Stress and Interpersonal Communication (Chapter 2) 34
Pinocchio’s Nose (Chapter 3) 57
Please and Thank You, Two Magic Words That Open Any Door (Chapter 4) 84
When Parents and Children Don’t See Eye to Eye (Chapter 5) 121
When Being Mindful Really Matters (Chapter 6) 137
“Guys Can’t Say That to Guys” (Chapter 7) 161
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Feature Boxes
Presentation of Self in Cyberspace (Chapter 8) 184
Wait ’Til You Hear What I Heard (Chapter 9) 215
“You’re My Parent but You’re Not” (Chapter 10) 237
This Is Your Brain on Love (Chapter 11) 261
Lessons from The Apprentice (Chapter 12) 307
When Nobody Knows Who You Really Are (Chapter 13) 341
screening room
Meet the Parents (Chapter 1) 13
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (Chapter 2) 31
Freaky Friday (Chapter 3) 64
The King’s Speech (Chapter 4) 85
About a Boy (Chapter 5) 111
Memento (Chapter 6) 135
Big Fish (Chapter 7) 169
Big Eden (Chapter 8) 195
Thank You for Smoking (Chapter 9) 217
The Kids Are All Right (Chapter 10) 241
The Social Network (Chapter 11) 277
Barbershop (Chapter 12) 302
Office Space (Chapter 12) 311
Crash (Chapter 13) 337
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Preface
To the Student
Living in the 21st century means that you can do amazing things. It means that you can pick up
a phone or sit down at a computer and instantly contact someone on the other side of the globe.
It means that space and time don’t mean what they used to, that you can be as close to someone
in Beijing or Beirut as to someone in Bethesda or Bangor. It also means that your social world is
more complex than that of any generation before yours, and that the technologies that link you to
strangers can also serve to isolate you from friends and neighbors. In a world where communication
technology seems to offer the solution to every problem, it’s important to remember that ease of
access does not mean ease of understanding. Building rewarding and lasting relationships today is
more challenging than ever before. The goal of this book is to help you become a more competent
communicator in a world where communication is not always easy.
For most of us, most of the time, communication is a process that seems to come naturally,
without practice. Although you’ve communicated all your life, you’ve probably done so routinely
without thinking about it. You rarely stop to analyze the choices that you make. Yet these choices
greatly influence the way that communication behavior affects others and yourself.
After reading this book, you’ll be more aware of the power and potential of interpersonal choices.
You’ll have the tools to observe communication as it unfolds, and you’ll have the knowledge to
make better communication decisions. So, we invite you to take control of your world by thinking
seriously about interpersonal communication: an activity that is both commonplace and uncommonly important.
To the Instructor
Our goal in this edition, as it has been in the previous editions, is to make students aware of the
impact of communication on their lives. We want them to see that interpersonal communication
has real significance, that the way people talk and what they talk about make a difference in the
quality of their lives and the lives of those around them. We also want them to recognize that communication is complex and that there are no easy formulas that will guide them through every
situation. Although we realize that students may want their instructors to offer them simple rules
for becoming better communicators, we believe students should be encouraged to find their own
solutions to communication problems rather than following one-size-fits-all prescriptions. For this
reason we focus on providing basic theories and principles that can be used to analyze and understand human interaction, and we provide examples to show students how these principles play out
in actual interaction. Throughout, we have resisted the temptation to “dumb down” the material. We
have faith that our students can handle basic social-scientific theory, if their instructors help them
see its applications. We also believe that oversimplifying our field by offering simple prescriptions
doesn’t do justice to its complexity and integrity.
As in previous editions, we build our discussion around a model of communicative competence.
We do so because we believe the model provides a theoretical structure to our discussion, because it
responds to student desires to become more competent communicators, and because it encourages
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Preface
students to think about the abilities and understandings they must master in order to take control
of their social worlds. Throughout the text we also have included boxes, called Interdisciplinary Connections, that focus on unusual applications of communication principles. Drawn from anthropology,
neuroscience, history, psychology, popular culture, and the like, the Interdisciplinary Connections show the
connections between our field and other academic disciplines, demonstrating how material that
students learn in one class is enriched by what they learn in others, and emphasizing how culture
and context affect what it means to be a competent communicator.
At the end of each chapter, after students have thought about communication principles, they
will encounter a section devoted to improving skills. This section offers suggestions about how to
put the content of the chapter to work. Topics for discussion, formerly included at the end of each
chapter, as well as chapter outlines and review quizzes can now be found on the companion website
and in the Instructor’s Manual, which also provides test items, additional classroom activities, and
handouts. We hope you will find this material helpful in the classroom.
Changes to This Edition
Q
Q
Q
Q
Q
Addition of a new chapter on listening. Several instructors told us that more attention should
be given to listening. We agree and have emphasized listening in two ways. First, we have
modified our model to include listening as a basic skill under message competence. Second,
we have introduced a new chapter (Chapter 5) that focuses on listening. Although we have
included some of the material

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